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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances drifted away during that time, as they were focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention in our friendship, probably understood better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several close to her have disappeared without her being sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she was highly competent, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, however, I feel my role in our friendship is as the audience. I open discussion points and she changes them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. I attempt to propose factchecking or other angles.

She's been organizing a trip abroad I've visited many times and resided in previously. I attempted to share personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She purely just desired validation of her decisions. I've just come back from four weeks there and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she will ever comprehend the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

One option is to walk away, yet this is not often the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to question how the two of you can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works involves stating her:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for a set time."

This can be effective in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, as some people cling to a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they've known. This is difficult as there is no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react this way before reflecting your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have closure from having been open and direct.